Atelier Hoolequin
Spike: It was sure nice of him to let us touch his portal stone.
Simon nods, although it’s hard to tell.
Spike: What was all that “you can’t, it’s soulbound?” nonsense.
Simon shrugs: We’re souls – well, fragments of one. We’re bound to the master soul.
Spike scratches his chin and nods: Yeah, we’re soulbound. Of course it would work.
Spike and Simon walk forwards into the ruins of the Hall of Monuments and frown.
Spike: This place was just glowing! …statues, and @#$%.
Simon: That -was- hundreds of years ago.
Spike furrows his brow: It was moments for us.
Simon nods again, although it’s still hard to tell.
Spike /ponder: What happened to this place? It’s like everyone just and abandoned it.
Simon points: Except for them.
Spike leaps with joy: -THEY- can tell us where Crysania went.
As they begin to move, Spike grasps Simon’s shoulder with painful glee.
Spike: A CHEST! A STORAGE CHEST! OUR GEAR!
They hurried over to the Xunlai Chest and casually tried to flip it open, to no avail.
They then intently tried to open it, and failed.
They then furiously tried to pry it open, grunting and straining loudly. Nope.
Simon sits on the chest and sighs: Remember when Balreth somehow found himself IN the chest?
Spike giggles: with his big feet sticking out the end?
They both sigh with realization of the passage of time: Yeah…
Spike tries to ask the spirits of Artificer Mullenix, Micah Fergson, and Staci Magelsen about Crysania but the spirits seemed to be limited in their ability to converse properly. They certainly were of no help. Meanwhile, Simon had approached a Black Moa.
Simon: …Kweh?
Black Moa: Kweh!
Spike blinks confusedly.
Simon points to Spike: Kweh, Kweh!
The Black Moa puffs up its feathers and strikes a defiant pose: Kweh.
Spike: DAFUQ is going on here.
Simon: I’m asking if Boco wants to come with us.
Spike: Boco?
Boco: Kweh!!!
Simon: but he’s not impressed with you, at all.
Boco looks away: Kweh…
Spike rubs the bridge of his nose: …and when did you learn how to speak moa?
Simon turns to the camera: somewhere between Final Fantasy II and IV, right?
Spike stamps his foot in frustration: Who are you talking to? How do you talk to birds? What the @#$% is going on?
Boco walks towards the pool, where the statues used to be: Kweh!
Simon: Come, Boco wants to show us something.
Spike growls in irritation but follows anyway.
They come to the circular chamber, that Crysania had built – little by little, and see little remains.
Simon sheds a tear, which looks like a wisp of steam.
Spike, feeling deflated: Let’s talk to this spirit.
They make their way to the spirit’s pad and discover a treasure trove of armor and weaponry!
Having equipped themselves in new gear, they can’t help but reflect a moment on Crysania’s legacy.
Boco: Kweh!!!
Simon giggles: Boco likes your striped pants.
Spike had enough. He marched right over to the Black Moa, grabbed it by its spiked collar and stared it eye to eye.
Spike, very sternly: If you’re coming, then let’s go. If not, piss off.
Boco gulps: …kweh…
Simon: He said-
Spike releases the collar and begins to walk back to the portal: -I know what he said.
-Spike Charms his first pet!-
Boco follows along, with a bit of pep in his step.
Simon: Do you want to try your luck on the rest of the critters in here?
Spike stops, and without turning just yells: ANYONE ELSE WANT TO TEST ME?
-Spike charms several pets!-
Simon grins: Kweh!
Boco jumps and flaps his wings: KWEH!
Spike growls with irritation.
Spike: He’s -my- pet, and you talk to him.
Simon offers a /highfive…but is left hanging: We’re a team, right?
Spike mutters something incomprehensible.
They enter back through the portal and are taken back near the centaur pits, south of where they started from.
A girl shrieks, at point blank range, startling all three of the travelers.
Boco shrieks back, stunning the poor girl.
Spike looks wide-eyed at Boco with amazement.
Simon offers a /highfive to Boco, and is met!
The girl shakes off the stun and exclaims: You scared me!
Spike: You scared us!
Girl: You stepped out of a portal, right in front of me!
Spike won’t relent: You screamed right into my ear!
Simon looks at the camera: The only time he can say a woman has done that…
Boco chuckles: kweh, kweh, kweh, kweh.
Spike points a finger at the girl: Excuse me.
He spins to Simon and yells: THAT IS ABSOLUTELY NOT THE ONLY TIME I CAN SAY-
Girl: Um…I’m still here.
Simon /wave innocently.
Spike turns back to the girl: I’m Spikelangelo, this is Simon.
Boco pecks Spike: KWEH!!!
Spike winces painfully: …and this is…this is…
Simon whispers: BOCO!
Spike: Boco!
The girl giggles in that cutesy way: You guys are funny.
Iris: I’m Iris, what brings you out here?
Spike: We’re looking for Crysania.
Iris is puzzled: What’s a Crysania?
Boco nods: Kweh?
Spike puts his hands on his hips and kicks at the dirt with renewed frustration.
Simon: Crysania’s a Legendary-
Iris cuts him off in excitement: -Legendary?! You guys are collection hunting too? I’m gathering lots of materials.
Spike and Simon exchange another helpless look.
Iris: …right? Guys?
Spike: Materials? For what?
Iris is stunned, again: Synthesizing!!! In the Mystic Forge.
Spike nods and smiles: A forge means making stuff.
Iris nods with enthusiasm: You can make anything if you have the right recipe and the ingredients.
Simon’s flame puffs: Anything?
Iris leaps cutely: Anything!
Spike and Simon begin to share Iris’ excitement!
Spike: Dood! You know what this means?!
Simon: @#$% Yeah, Dood!
Spike throws a foot up on a nearby rock and points above his raised knee. Yelling with the authority his pose grants him: TAQUITOS!!!
Simon giggles: And a clown with no head!
They turn to face each other, pumping their fists in unision: HEAD-LESS-CLOWN. HEAD-LESS-CLOWN.
Even Boco gets in on the rhythm: Kweh-Kweh-Kweh! Kweh-Kweh-Kweh!
Iris, not wanting to interrupt the three’s excited bonding moment: Ummm…excuse me?
Spike turns back to Iris: Yes?
Iris: What are taquitos?
Spike and Simon launch into a verbal barrage of description regarding tortillas, meats, spices and sauces.
Iris has had the color blasted from her face: Oh. Well, there’s a good chef station in Lion’s Arch.
Spike and Simon stopped dead in their tracks. In unison, they yelled: LION’S ARCH?!
Iris smiled with sincerity: Sure, it’s a little bit to the south-east. It’s hard to miss. You can find almost anything in Lion’s Arch!
Simon’s flame erupts with joy.
Spike does a little dance, to which Boco joins.
Iris giggles again: You three are adorable.
Spike: As much as I’d love to ask more about your mystic forge…and our taquitos…we should go to Lion’s Arch immediately! Someone we know may be waiting for us.
Simon: …but mostly to make taquitos.
Spike gives a soft hit to Simon: Shut up.
They wave merrily to Iris and set off southeast with haste, and run promptly into a centaur patrol.
Boco, without hesitation, dashes towards the first centaur and executes a flying bicycle kick. His talons inflicting fatal harm to the unsuspecting centaur.
Simon gasps with amazement: That’s some straight Liu Kang @#%^.
Spike grabs his bow: What the @#$% are you spewing now?
Simon readies his scepter and torch in time to see Boco pivot left, and pivot right, issuing ‘Kweh!’ warcries to the hesitant centaurs.
Simon: Congrats, buddy, you have a bloodthirsty pet.
Spike begins flinging arrows downrange: …wonderful…
Simon waves his torch around and vanishes.
Boco shrieks and stuns the centaurs, Simon reappears to light everyone on fire and Spike’s pumped everyone full of enough arrows to bleed them out.
The corpses of the centaurs lie at the bloodied talons of Boco, who stands with pride in the middle of the mess.
Simon: Kweh?
Boco puffs his chest: Kweh!
Simon: He approves of “Boco the Bloodthirsty”
Spike mutters: I’m not sure I do.
They head southeast, more smartly this time, continuing their search for Crysania – and to synthesize taquitos! To Lion’s Arch!
References:
Atelier Iris
Final Fantasy
Invader Zim
Mortal Kombat
Guild History