Bonds are the space, or weight, other people have within our hearts and minds. If you don’t have a bond with someone, they’re not likely to be thought of as much. Equally, if you don’t have a bond with someone, they’re less likely to affect you on deeper levels. They just don’t occupy that much space, or carry that much weight. Bonds are more than emotions, and certainly more than thoughts. They’re more than outbursts, or phases. Bonds should be mutually developed and solidified through a variety of things: experiences, intangibles that we just ‘know,’ shared ideas or goals, and the almost infinite other things that happen in the course of human lives. The problem lies when bonds do not decay mutually.
As with all else in the world, people do not create nor value the concept of bonds equally. There are some people who form and destroy them very casually. I am not one of those people. While it is true I have a big mind and a bigger heart, there is a distinct difference between my belief of intrinsic value in people and actually having a bond with someone. I care for all people; I seem to have a limitless capacity for compassion. I am bonded with a select few. I guess instead, I should say I feel a bond towards a select few. Increasingly, I am more and more aware their bonds towards me, and mine towards them are not equal. I feel that differential. Again, when bonds do not decay mutually there are problems.
Bonds transcend memory. This I know absolutely. I have been able to enjoy pleasant conversations with people I’ve not spoken to in 15 years, as well as a short 2 or 3 (by comparison, mind you 🙂 ). I remember little of the standard ‘Who, What, Where…’ but the emotional resonance remains. Emotional resonance brings me to the bond I treasure most, the one that takes up the most space and carries the most weight. This bond I cherish above all else. It’s not in a good state right now, and I’m hurting because of it. I’m hurting a lot. However, it’s easily fixed – truly.
I only need to think but a brief moment to understand how I can go from sadness, confusion, and loneliness, to bursting with joy. That’s part of the blessing/curse dichotomy of having a big heart and deep bonds. In 5 minutes, I could be hurt. In 5 minutes, I could be healed. Not everyone can have that effect, actually only a handful can.
In the modern world, I often feel foolish for just being me. It seems that fewer and fewer form bonds anymore, at least not on my level. Egocentrism takes hold. Apathy takes hold. There are so many distractions, and so many directions to be pulled in. Surely, I can’t be the only one to keep my focus through the pain, through the ups and downs, through the ebbs and flows? I’ve been told to go away, to stop trying, or otherwise have been discarded enough to question everything down to my core.
Is there no room for a passionate, thoughtful, man anymore? No room for one who forms bonds and gives his all?
~Monk Anchorwind
28 January 2016