Admire’al Spike: Do you know what is strange, Mr. Simon?
Mr. Simon: IF A WOMAN USES A MEN’S ROOM AT A MDQ SHOW, NO ONE GIVES A @#$% – BUT DWAYNA HELP THE MAN THAT TRIES TO USE THE WOMEN’S ROOM! THAT’S @$%^ING DISCRIMINATORY.
Admire’al Spike and the henchmen all exchange glances, which in turn yield nodding and affirmative murmurs.
Admire’al Spike: well, that’s not quite what I was getting at, but it’s a good start. Any other kernels, just waiting to be popped in that blaze of yours?
Mr. Simon didn’t hesitate: WHY THE @#$^ CAN YOU DANCE OFF A LEDGE, BUT NOT WALK? IS GRAVITY A PANSY-@$$ @#%^ING DANCER TOO?
Admire’al Spike looks up at his old friend, with a bent finger wedged firmly between his teeth. He can’t laugh now, he just can’t.
Admire’al Spike: Now, now, Mr. Simon – I know you’re upset that Balreth –
Mr. Simon – SILVERLUCK IS BULL#$%&!!!
Crysania looks up from her task at hand: did you hear something?
Dandd tugs at his beard: I think so.
Crysania mimics his movements, into thin air: It’s been awhile since we’ve both felt a disturbance in the force.
Dandd grins: and we’re all out of bubblegum.
Admire’al Spike: -asked to be dropped off on the adjacent landmass. I, too, thought it strange. We came all this way, and all we did was help him kill one bird.
Mr. Simon: THEN HE DECIDES TO STAY NEARBY?! WHAT THE @#$% IS THIS? I COULD HAVE JUST STAYED HOME AND WATCHED IT ALL ON PAY-PER-GLIMPSE. @#$% #$%^ $%^&* …
Crysania: Someone is making it useless to resist.
Dandd finishes his grail: a regular wretched hive of scum and villany by the feel of it.
Crysania: Maybe someone altered a deal?
Dandd: Pray they don’t alter it any further.
Crysania nods in agreement.
Henchman 1: I hate to interrupt, Admire’al, but where are we going? Balreth decided to stay in the desert –
Mr. Simon – BULL@#$% GODAMN VICIOUS FANGS, CLAWS, WHATEVER. AARRGGHH!
Henchman 1, unfazed: -and we’re simply leaving him?
Admire’al Spike: yep. It’s what he wants. I want to go find Crysania.
Crysania: It’s a trap!
Admire’al Spike rubs his forehead a bit, before shaking it off and going about his plans.
Dandd: Impressive. Most impressive.
Crysania focuses harder: These aren’t the henchmen you’re looking for.
Admire’al Spike moans in discomfort.
Henchman 1: Are you ok?
Admire’al Spike gives a dismissive wave: Yeah. Somehow I think we found Crysania, although neither of us knows it yet.
Henchman 1: Oh?
Admire’al Spike rubs his temples gingerly: Who else could do that? The question is, how did she find us?
Mr. Simon: THE NEXT @#$%ING TIME HE GETS A GODAMN DROP LIKE THAT, I’LL CHOKE THEM ALL MY @#$%ING SELF. IT’S BULL@#$%!
Everyone’s eyes drift upward to the roaring blaze that is Mr. Simon.
Admire’al Spike: Mr. Simon’s projected force…
Henchman 1: What?
Admire’al Spike clears his throat: It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, it binds the mists together.
Henchman 1: …And you’re saying she is tapping into that? What are the odds of-
Admire’al Spike quickly cuts him off: Never tell me the odds. Never question the odds, this is the Quin. Between the Newtype shit, and the Silverluck, and-
Henchman 1 returns the interruption: Yeah, I get it. So if she’s found us, how do we find her?
Admire’al Spike shrugs helplessly: @#$% if I know. It’s not like she @$%^s with my head and I can just point and say ‘oh, it came from that way.’ Moving ships around is one thing, that’s totally different.
Dandd: Any idea who you’re resonating with?
Crysania: It feels familiar, but that doesn’t say much anymore.
Dandd pours something into his grail: I have faith in you.
Crysania instantly picks up on the sarcasm: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Dandd snickers: Well you’re not your old self anymore. What’s a monk with no one to heal? A leader with no one to lead? Look at you. You resonate with half the world, and no one knows you exist.
Crysania scowls: Well, you do.
Dandd: Yes, well I suppose someone has to keep tabs on your vision.
Crysania hunches over: …And you will pay the price for your lack of vision!
Dandd brushes her off: Yeah, yeah.
Crysania pursues: Your powers are weak, old man.
Dandd spins around on his heel: Hey, only a few people are allowed to address me as ‘old man.’ You’ve not yet earned it, whelp.
Dandd grows quiet.
Crysania tries to cheer him up: I’m sure the other ‘old man’ is fine.
Dandd: Bah! Even your range doesn’t go that far.
Crysania doesn’t relent: A lot of …umm…imaginary henchmen…umm…died!…to bring me this information.
Dandd sees that she is trying and offers a smile.
Crysania is very confident though.
Crysania: Balreth is ok, I just know it.
Dandd nods: Yeah, sure.
Admire’al Spike: So if we keep sailing, we will hit essentially barren northlands.
Henchman 1: Right up her alley, eh?
Admire’al Spike: In a manner of speaking. I’m not sure what she would be doing up there, or anything. I wouldn’t even know where to find her? It’s not like she would be in another Tall Tower of High Sorcery, right on the coast or anything.
Henchman 1: …like that one?! I don’t believe it!!! CRYSANIA!
Admire’al Spike murmurs: …and that is why you fail, and I’m the Admire’al.
Crysania: I heard my name.
Dandd: I didn’t say anything.
Crysania: No, from outside. It felt as if many voices suddenly cried out in terror, and joy – simultaneously.
Dandd: Well, it was -your- name.
Crysania shoots over a glare.
Crysania makes her way to the edge of the tower and peers out, and sees a ship.
Crysania gasps: Impossible!
Dandd quickly gets up to see what she sees.
Crysania: You understand this just as well as I do, I set up this barrier so that only those who know what they’re looking for could find it.
Dandd nods in concern.
Crysania: Who would actually look for -my- tower, on -this- coast…
the hollow tower suddenly filled with sound.
DICK. AAASSSMMODEEDUUSSSS!!!!
The call was unmistakable.
Crysania ran to the top of the stairs: SPIKELANGELO!?
Mr. Simon: @#$%ING HI TO YOU TOO. ALWAYS FORGETTING ABOUT ME, BALRETH GODAMN-
Dandd almost dropped his grail. He too hurried to greet the party.
Spike, Mr. Simon, and the henchmen made their way up the Tall Tower. Many happy greetings were given, but it wasn’t long before the ribbing started.
Spike: Looking good there, young one.
Dandd scoffs: When 900 volumes you write, look as good you will not, hmm?
Crysania decides to get off of her feet. No one seems to notice she doesn’t require a chair.
The conversations continue gleefully. Dandd is furiously scribbling the account of Balreth and The Desert Owl. It’s not until a henchman bumps into Crysania, then panics upon noticing her levitation that he backs up into the hollow pit beyond. The fading scream of the plummeting henchman was actually comical for most in attendance.
Mr. Simon was the first to chime in: IT’S ABOUT @#$%ING TIME SOMETHING HAPPENED. LAWNO MY ASS, SPLAT-NOISE! WOO!!!!
When the next round of laughter quieted down, Dandd was still intent on debriefing the henchmen for full details.
Spike: So, what’s up with this cross-legged floating business?
Mr. Simon tries, and lands straight on his tailbone.
Crysania shrugs: my feet were bothering me.
Spike decides to ingest some questionable substances from a random belt pouch.
Crysania: I’ve been working on my mental capacities. I don’t really need to walk as long as I’m more-or-less moving at low speeds. Oh, you want to see something really cool? Look at the walls!
Spike and Mr. Simon, for the first time, notice these unbelievable paintings from side to side.
Spike ingests more…somethings…from different pouches.
Spike: These are pretty damned good.
Mr. Simon: THESE ARE @#$%ING AMAZING. HOW THE @#$% DID YOU DO THESE?
Crysania grins: I was hoping you’d ask.
Crysania props up a canvas and tosses several very small vials of dye into the air. She then forcechokes them all, simultaneously, in mid-air. The colors splash onto the canvas all at once, revealing her vision for the piece. She did this, all without ever touching the ground.
Spike, feeling more like the Spike of old, has already fallen to the ground and crawled as far away from Crysania as he could without leaving the room.
Mr. Simon’s flame just flickers in the breeze, blankly.
A couple moments go by before the clanking of Dandd can be heard walking into the room.
Dandd: Blew their minds, did you, with your modern art masterpieces?
The simultaneous shouting and laughing of MDQ lit up the Tall Tower of High Sorcery. For a brief moment, all the empty rooms that Crysania had built can be forgotten. Her study, currently occupied by a happy reunion, can be remembered.
Balreth is safe, and a direct route between here and there is now known. Spike and Simon are in good spirits, and Dandd and Crysania have been doing what they do best. How goes for everyone else? Answers for another day.
15 Nov 2016 / Monk Anchorwind
References: Star Wars, Duke Nukem, Guild and Life Histories.