Dear Diary,
Let’s have a ‘2025 : Year of Compassion’ Check-in. Yesterday, 17 August 2025, was the first time in weeks I watched the rain outside my window. Not because I had been missing it, but because the heat and drought had been intense and challenging. The breeze coming in was one of the definitions of ‘refreshing,’ and it is times like these – after a long period of harm – wherein we can begin to understand just how bad the situation has become.
Today is 18 August 2025, and for the first time in weeks, I woke up not wanting to get out of bed for a decent reason. I was content and comfortable. There was a slight chill as the weather was perfectly breezy, partly cloudy, and in the 60s. All my windows were still open from last night, so the fresh crispness was immediately invigorating. I went down the street and spent a couple of bucks to buy myself some fresh socks. Admittedly, it was a bit overdue, but between yesterday and today, having an opportunity to reflect on the past few months, it was a touch of self-care I could implement without too much fuss.
For better or worse, I tend to notice movement, whether it be minute motion at the edge of my vision or changes in the energy in my surroundings. Some of it is due to my sensitive nature, and some of it is a consequence of combat. While switching playlists, I noticed a tiny flying creature, a quarter the size of a fly perhaps, against my screen trying to get out; after helping it successfully get back outside, some definitions of compassion smacked me in the face: to care without attachment, or to care without a motive of benefit.
My socks are also a form of compassion, a celebration of difficult times passing, and a source of comfort improving my day-to-day life. When I sat down to ponder this piece, my initial attitude was I had strayed from my goal this year of being a compassionate person, and I wanted to mark the end of the long heat with a refocus and recommitment to compassion. However, when I actually think about it, even in my limited capacity, I’ve gone out of my way just to let people know they aren’t alone when it seems the entire world is against them/us. Support isn’t always stepping in; it can just be sitting down with someone while they catch their breath and either reminding them they’ve ‘got it’ or helping them develop a plan to ‘get it.’
It is still all too easy for me to be harshly judgmental of myself, and I won’t pretend to have answers for that particular sticking point at the moment. Nevertheless, I’m incredibly grateful to have had a moment of peace where I can look back on the path I endured and understand that I did better than I initially believed. Combat Compassion may not always be these big displays of someone coming to you when you’re in your temple, prepared, and giving out all the kindness you have; Combat Compassion is often small interactions we don’t even register as anything significant, a little extra here or a little restraint there.
I’ve been so focused on the things I haven’t done, haven’t been able to do, I’ve been glossing over the things I have done. Akin to the self-judgment problem, learning when or what is ‘enough’ is a skill to which I have much practice ahead of me. It’s been difficult to enjoy much and when I do finally enjoy something I often want to do so with others and that rarely happens. While the reasons why are almost exclusively beyond my control the outcomes and consequences are the same. I’ve gotten better remaining unattached to concerns where I’m only tangentially or temporarily involved, but I miss the times when I got to laugh with people and my compassion per interaction ratio wasn’t so high.
Our time, as we understand it, is incredibly short, and I mourn so much of it is wasted because those who have more than they need feel compelled to have it all – be it power or resources. I’m sad there’s so much unnecessary pain, but I’m glad I’ve been able to be a tiny sliver of help. I’ll hold out hope the laughter will return, and until then, I’ll keep doing what I can, even if I do most of it by myself. At least the ‘by myself’ part is something of which I am well versed, for better or worse.
Practice Compassion; You Are Worth It.
reBLUEvinate.