2025 A Year of Compassion : Part 3 – The Pressures We Put on Ourselves.
Today is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day. We get to celebrate it by inaugurating a convicted felon, rapist, and fraud who is legally unable to operate charities in the state of NY. Exit polls demonstrate the criminal-in-chief’s primary support was uneducated white people, which have been the republican’s core base since before I was born. In April 1963, from jail, Dr. King wrote, “I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to ‘order’ than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice…”
The choice between Pain and Progress couldn’t have been any clearer, but Populism invents problems to give you solutions. The Right-Wing media sphere (social media especially) went into overdrive, blaming all of your problems on someone or something else – Trans people, Immigrants, etc. However, roughly 1.14% of the population (3 million people) are Trans, and yet they got the McCarthyism treatment. Immigrants were presented as lazy moochers draining tax dollar-funded resources and crafty job stealers simultaneously – but never a mention of the businesses who hire them.
The Fear and Hate Populism gives you is manufactured. If they can keep you focused on stripping Women’s Rights, Religious Equality, LGBTQ+ Rights, and more, then you won’t notice the worsening Wealth Inequality, Climate Change, and other pro-wealthy protections. President Lyndon B. Johnson summed it up nicely, “If you can convince the lowest white man he’s better than the best colored man, he won’t notice you’re picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he’ll empty his pockets for you.” However, even back in the Roman days, Juvenal satirically remarked, “Two things only the people anxiously desire: bread and circuses,” showing if you can keep people fed and distracted, you can get away with much.
So, where does Compassion come into all of this? We, as people, typically want our lives to have a sense of meaning and purpose. When we are confronted with an understanding time and effort we spent on something “didn’t matter,” we tend to become angry about the waste (*1). We put enormous pressures on ourselves to perform in all aspects of our lives, trying to maintain a standard often given to us in our youth. We wrestle with moments in the past wherein we didn’t live up to this arbitrary standard, and we are wracked with guilt (*2). We look ourselves in the mirror and redouble our determination to do better; we reinforce that arbitrary standard in our minds. We could be continuously setting ourselves up for failure.
Today’s inauguration in the shadow of Dr. King strips meaning and hope from many. The question isn’t if things are going to get worse, but how much worse. The incoming grifter has exposed deep systemic corruption, but it’s mainly for his personal benefit. Compassion goes beyond forgiveness, healthy detachment, and positively reinforcing environments; Compassion helps us feel comfortable in our being. I continue to struggle with the concept of Atonement. I caused irreparable harm to others, and part of me survived to suffer the consequences of it. I’m in pain every day, I struggle with sleep, and I put in a great deal of conscious effort to combat my mood instabilities, anxiety, and internal struggles. I try my absolute best not to take my struggles out on anyone else, but I slip up here and there, and it destroys me inside.
Today’s inauguration of an actual evil man demonstrating accountability is sadly optional, but it has perversely pointed out an important point of the Compassion-Forgiveness relationship. Self-Compassion also means we can stop putting so much pressure on ourselves. Apathy is a popular drug in the USA, and I’m not advocating we go from white-knuckle grip to ‘who-gives-a-f,’ but there is a healthy middle ground. I have tried to do the right thing for decades, but I can’t, alone, combat the media bubbles people create for themselves. I have felt tremendous guilt for spending money, but one cruise missile costs more than anything I’m going to spend in my life.
Self-Compassion means we can let ourselves remove the pressure we place on ourselves. Self-Compassion also means we can create meaning and purpose for ourselves instead of the manufactured fear and hate being pumped at us. By assigning meaning not only for ourselves but to ourselves, we can erect healthy boundaries and foster a conducive environment within them; we can forgive ourselves for the things in which there are no more lessons left to learn and let go of the pain which serves no more purpose. We can try to feel comfortable in our being, which we will need in the dark times ahead.
(*1) Quick Reminder: Anger comes from a place of protection. In this case we’re protecting our desire to put our time and energy into meaningful things. The waste is the point.
(*2) Quick Reminder: Guilt is the burden of change. Feeling guilt about the past beyond a certain point only hurts the self uselessly as we can’t change it. Forgiveness is the answer to guilt.
P.S. – Dr. King also wrote “shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will.” The next time the choice between Pain and Progress (could be the Midterms in two years) presents itself, I hope we will choose progress with enthusiasm. We and the environment are one and the same. If we want to be Compassionate – we aren’t just voting for our interests but for the Trans community, The Immigrant community, the children from whom we are borrowing the planet etc.