The Original 30 (Written in 2013, Updated in 2023 as my writing skills have improved) 31-40 Written in 2023.
Purpose: 30 Tidbits of wisdom written throughout 30 days before I turn 30. Not written in any particular order, just meant to share thoughts and provoke more. 31-40 Added as a supplement.
1) Embrace Nicknames. Names are symbols of affection given to you by those who put meaning into them. Their origins may be practical, such as having a last name that is commonly mispronounced, or observational, such as a dominant behavior or skill, but in time they should become part of the fabric of our identity and owned with a healthy amount of pride. Years ago, should you ask me if I thought I would respond to ‘Monk’ as an actual name, I would have been dismissive. Now, Monk not only represents an easy-to-say word [as opposed to my last name] but a summary of my persona: one that is frequently isolated, spiritually aware, generally unaffected by material pursuits, lives simply, thinks deeply and always has the welfare of others in the forefront. Others have seen the similarities between myself and the various cultural monks of the world: the scholarly monks of Europe, the martial monks of Asia, the hermit monks of lore, and the healing monks of fantasy. While it started as a bit of observational humor, it caught on and became part of my identity: a part of my story. If we, the bearers of names, stop to think about where they came from as I have – we all may find our own stories rich in fond memories, shared experiences, and tales worth sharing. When new people join and learn the story, they become a part of why those names exist and perhaps earn their own along the way.
2) Have a tattoo. Do not get a small, meaningless piece on a place you cannot see but something that bears enough meaning to show the world and yourself. In my experience, most of the favorable random encounters I have with the populace are all people with at least one meaningful tattoo. A tattoo is a commitment to an ideal or a memory. A tattoo is a part of your story that you are confident enough to broadcast to the world. A tattoo is a conversation starter. A tattoo demonstrates an awareness of self at a core level. For the commitment, understanding, and communication aspects involved: everyone should have at least one when one has enough of a story behind it to be worth having.
3) Pursue money as a ‘Maintenance’ Idea. Money can be incredibly corrupting. Those who need more money but don’t have it become bitter, and those who have excess often become wasteful or apathetic. How, then, does one find the line? What determines how much money we ‘need?’ In this case, it is determined by what is truly important to the person asking the question. Pursuing a larger pool of money is required for one who truly desires world travel. Pursuing the same larger pool of funds is unnecessary for one content with paperbacks and a modest computer. When an individual can earn enough money to support the lifestyle that is truly important to that individual, balance can be achieved. When said balance is not achieved, we are left with resentful, disillusioned people who are frequently dissatisfied with what they have and often demand what they do not: people who seek more wealth but have forgotten the meaning of value. Pursue more money than you need for the sake of having it and be corrupted by it; attempt not to invest in yourself enough to achieve your balance and be ruled by it. Pursue enough money to maintain what is truly important, and its influence will be healthy if noticed at all. (Note: I know we all need enough money to cover a base set of needs – I’m speaking of things beyond that.)
4) Watch foreign movies. Subtitles may take a while to get used to, and some of the subtleties of not being a native speaker will be lost upon us. However, experiencing different cultures from their perspectives reminds us of a most important lesson: our core values as living beings transcend cultural and linguistic barriers. Foreign movies will expand our horizons to music, art forms, histories, and perspectives that we may not normally encounter but simultaneously remind us that we are not as different as our divisive ones wish us to believe.
5) Be conscious of your mouth. Our mouths are gateways to the rest of us. Essentially, they are often windows to reveal other states of our being. We may show a fair bit about ourselves based on what goes in and comes out of our mouths. Are we disciplined? Are we passionate? Do we have a particular guiding philosophy? Where do we come from? Are we inclined to broaden our horizons? All these questions and more can be answered by observing the ins and outs of our mouths. Likewise, if we can be diligent with what we put in and what comes out of our mouths – we often have a leg up on our chance to be healthier than one who does not have the same diligence. Our mouths have an impact on our: emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical aspects of health, so it only makes sense to be conscious of it and take control of it.
6) Be Fair. Fair does not always mean ‘right.’ Life is itself unfair. There are so many variables; no one path in life ensures success (There is no universal definition of success either). Deserving individuals suffer needlessly, and others receive a moment of life-changing good fortune despite their previous terrible track record. To rise above cynicism and strive to be fair in an unfair world is an honorable path too infrequently walked. However, those who walk said path might readily form parties and become an entity greater than the sum of their parts. The fair gravitate towards one another. Fairness breeds trust, which fosters loyalty. Fairness affords second chances and allows faith in the previously discarded to be restored. We need fair people with renewed confidence in ourselves and one another.
7) Re-Learn Yourself. We may believe in our consistency and fail to see the gradual changes under vigil. Look back a year, five years, or ten years, and attempt to compare your present self with your past self. While there will undoubtedly be similarities, there will also be differences, and some of those differences may be surprising. Do not rebel against your changes for the sake of tradition. Do not rebel against your changes for fear of an identity crisis. Understand that, as a living and breathing entity, we constantly absorb new experiences and perspectives. This constant absorption allows rationally-minded individuals to re-evaluate how we perceive the world and our place in it; our views and thoughts will evolve with our collective experiences and the potential conclusions they bring. We change. Take the time to learn and appreciate yourself, and guide yourself along the path you want to become the person you wish to be – even if that path changes over time.
31) The Self Does Not End at the Skin. “I am the Environment.” It is as simple as that. Whatever environmental changes we make (economically, socially, naturally, etc.) impact us. We are not isolated pockets of consciousness existing in local vacuums unaffected by what happens around us. From more minor things like our favorite room’s status (cleanliness, decor, etc.,) to the health of the oceans, we are part of a larger whole. Sometimes all we need is to rearrange our desk a little bit. Other times volunteering in the neighborhood lifts our spirits. Perhaps we need to check in with old friends or family. We are more than a singular body.
8) Choose not to belong to a Church or Political Party. Reread it. I did not say, ‘do not believe in anything,’ but I did say, ‘do not put unnecessary layers of people between you and your beliefs.’ Once organizations have surpassed a certain size and age barrier, they are often no longer what they once were: in theory or practice. Larger organizations, aged and vast, also tend to influence the decision-making processes of their members. We, as individuals, possess the ability to think for ourselves and seek the counsel of trusted persons on matters wherein we have not yet reached a definitive conclusion. The system becomes less effective when we voluntarily place layers of people between us and our decision-making processes. Believe, but do so with an open mind and on your terms.
32) We are people called people living on a planet called dirt. There are bad-faith entities that profit from war. Some are media entities, some are preachers, and others are politicians, but they all want to cause division. Division allows for stratification. If you are ‘White’ and they are ‘Black,’ then someone will try to tell you one is superior to the other. We are all people. The wealthy distract you with a culture war while they win the class war. Like #8, don’t put unnecessary layers of belief between you and others.
9) Drink water. Seriously, drink water. Your body and your wallet will thank you in the long run.
10) Understand that we all have our wars to fight. Each of us has our wars to fight, our battles to wage. Our struggles are valid. We do not need to justify ourselves to others, even though we will occasionally do so. It is ok to ask for help, and we should remove ourselves from those who discourage such behavior. Healing is not linear, and not every trauma has a permanent ‘solution.’ We don’t just ‘get over’ things. Other people struggle too, and their war is equally valid as ours. We should value one another equally as a human with intrinsic worth.
33) Relate but do not attach. It is a wonderful quality of the human experience that we can empathize with others during a time of stress and need. However, their struggle is theirs to fight; it is not for us to take on and carry automatically. Making other people’s problems ours only depletes us. We can offer assistance, but ultimately the solution rests with them. It is ok to help within a set of boundaries.
11) If you naturally stand out, then stand out. If your interests are different than everyone else’s, pursue them anyway. Be yourself. The ‘mainstream’ may be a direction many flow in, but it is not the all-encompassing human experience. It is possible to neither flow with nor against the mainstream. Let it flow around you without it disrupting who you are. Integrity of character is more rewarding than superficial approval of the masses. More likely than not, the people who would give you the reinforcement that actually matters prefer the real you anyway: so be you, even if what defines you is hard for some to grasp.
34) Only you can give yourself validation. Recognition is what we receive from others and is not validation. Validation is permission to proceed along a chosen path, an acquisition of certainty. Recognition may relieve the pressure we place upon ourselves, but only we can give ourselves permission. Recognition may be the ‘a ha!’ moment, the final step we sought in our journey, but it is a conclusion, not a beginning. We need to give ourselves validation to begin each new step along the way. Awards, likes, and other forms of recognition feel good but they do not substitute us defining for ourselves who we are and what path we will walk.
12) Let your work speak for itself—those who appreciate what you do need no additional coaxing. Your work will touch them all on its own. Regardless of where your talent lies: artistic expression, administrative efficiency, cleanliness, or any of the other broad-brush topics of human capability, do not let a self-sabotaging attitude diminish the quality of your work.
13) Find a balance between being content with what you have and pursuing what you want. Too much of the former will eventually lead to stagnation, and too much of the latter will leave you broke and still unsatisfied. Sometimes, objects need to be replaced due to a legitimate, critical need. Other times, the appeal of a new toy may detract from what is truly important. There are times when a new investment is worthwhile and other times when breathing new life into what you’ve already invested in is a better idea. Finding the line between when to leap forward and when to bunker down can be a mixture of responsibility, experience, maturity, intuition, and situational evaluation, but it is a conscious process. Consciously weigh each decision against what is truly important and decide the best action.
14) Understand that ‘No’ may mean ‘Not Now.’ When it comes to money and food, sometimes the responsible decision is to hold ourselves to standards and say ‘no.’ Instead of becoming discouraged and falling into the ‘forbidden fruit’ trap, understand that some of the things we must say ‘no’ to are things we will enjoy later. While some of the frivolous impulses will fade away on their own, the things we truly value will resurface time and again. When we have archived our goals and have earned our reward: we can turn that ‘not now’ into a well-deserved sense of enjoyment. So save up a couple more dollars, and lose a couple more pounds: your rewards will be there waiting for you when the time is right. Respect yourself; you are worth it.
35) No is (can be) a complete sentence. You are not obligated to assist every time you are called upon. Many of us sincerely wish to be helpful and often are only seen when doing so, but it is not required. If the act of assisting comes at the cost of excessive self-sacrifice, then the more intelligent answer is ‘no.’ Not a ‘no’ with conditions, just a ‘no’ as a complete sentence. Additionally, you are not required to justify yourself as if you are on trial if ‘no’ is what you need to respond with, it is ok to be mindful of your needs.
15) Lose yourself in your music. If you sing, sing! If you dance, dance! Allow yourself the nostalgic moment or the three-to-five-minute mental vacation. Music is readily available and provides an inexpensive outlet to connect with places, people, feelings, images, et al.. We have music that is simply pleasant to listen to. We have music that tells stories, some funny, fictional, and some genuine. We have music that soothes, heals, invigorates, and motivates. We have songs that get stuck in our heads, songs that live in our hearts, and some that we can still sing no matter how long it has been since we’ve heard it last. Embrace our connections with these expressions and lose yourself in your music when possible. It’s refreshing.
16) Be honest about relationship expectations. Whether the context is: at home, at work, or anywhere in between, be forthcoming with what you expect from yourself and what you refuse to tolerate from other people.
17) Live and let live. We will not agree with each other all the time. Instead of attempting to convert everyone to a singular (your) set of traditions, perspectives, or lifestyles: try to acknowledge the differences and let them be. Perhaps, we could take all the energy we once spent trying to convert people and spend it learning from each other instead.
18) Make some ‘you’ time. We are not machines, regardless of what our bosses or our self-imposed task lists may say. We need variety, we need rest, and we need to do things that are singularly important to us. Regardless of what you do with your time, prioritize it. You were not born just to pay bills and die.
19) Believe in redemption. Time changes many things, people included. Should we continually define ourselves or others based on a single moment in the past? Should our identities only be tied to our worst moments? Some roads to redemption are short, and others are long. Some involve the self exclusively, and some paths require assistance. Some are clearly defined from the outset, and others are discovered along the way.
36) The Past Flows from the Present. It is a common thought that the order of time is ‘past, present, future.’ That isn’t always true. In a mathematical sense, we can absolutely say 1983 came before 2023. However, there is only the eternal now. The future will never come, and the past doesn’t exist. When we think of the past, it is shaped by who we are in the present. How we feel about an event that came before changes and evolves. The past flows from the present. The good news about this is it enables healing. If we were never allowed to change our perception of the past, a traumatic event would paralyze us to a fate worse than death until we die. It is ok to have the present define us, not trauma.
20) Love and be loved in return. We are complex creatures. We do not always line up with neatly defined lines of what ‘should’ or ‘should not’ be. We do not always make sense, sometimes not even to ourselves. Sometimes, attempting to rationalize a situation isn’t necessary: just love and be loved in return.
21) Develop, do not escape. We may develop immersive hobbies and meaningful activities that consume much of our mental space at specific periods. Beware of crossing into unhealthy territory when you abandon reality for these activities. Your expressions are a part of you; retain control of them. Don’t live vicariously through your hobbies.
37) Develop a Meditation Practice. Meditation is a family of techniques and activities to train our attention to be in the present. If you go for a walk and bring your mind back to your walk every time you find your mind wandering, that’s meditative. If you are working on your car and are fully engaged in working on your vehicle, that’s meditative. Meditation can be breathing or eating. Developing a routine wherein we take time to put down the weight of the world and focus our attention on one thing is good for us.
22) Sometimes, there is no cure. We may be given something in life for which there is no cure. We may go through denial, anger, and the whole ordeal of defiance and eventually come to this conclusion. While we may never be who we once were, we may learn active management not to make matters worse, but the course of our lives may never return to the path it once was on. It is ok not to return to where and who we used to be. We can emerge the other side.
23) Laugh more. Go ahead, give it a try!
24) Do not let life pass you by. There are vast numbers of things happening all around you every day. People, nature, thoughts, and more! Try to be conscious of your environment, take it all in, and appreciate what you can. Some people plant their flag in the timeline and decide not to grow further. To make matters worse, they also attempt to prevent everyone else from growing. While we may not be able to reach them, we do not have to become like them.
25) Do not rely on people you’ve never met to provide your only source of inspirational quotes. Develop your inspiration, surround yourself with passionate people, and enrich your life with all the shared experiences you all have together. Share inside jokes, develop code words, tell stories, and relate to each other in meaningful ways, and you may not need abstract posters lying around to remind you of what you likely already know.
26) Learn to be constructive instead of absent. If you have anger issues, do not spend all your energy trying to kill your emotions. If you tend to over-analyze everything, do not spend all your time trying to prevent yourself from thinking. Learn to convert all your existing energies constructively. Find an activity that channels those energies into something worthwhile so you address the issue at hand and benefit yourself and others. It doesn’t have to be some world-changing grand idea. It could ‘only’ be a ‘small’ improvement for you and your community. Just as ‘everyone has their war to fight’ – every community has its wins to celebrate.
38) Understand where your emotions originate. What is anger to you? Is it an actionable emotion driven by a desire to protect? What is guilt to you? Is it carrying around the burden of change? Is forgiveness relieving yourself of guilt (and thus the burden of change?) By understanding what drives you, you can retain control of yourself more instead of letting your emotions control you.
27) Stop worrying so much about getting older. Really! Just stop.
28) Everything in Moderation, including Moderation. A combination of wisdom, experience, and intuition will guide you on when to back off and when to commit. You only gain wisdom, experience, etc., by going out and giving it a go!
39) After an easy period will come a difficult one. When you have mastered a skill, a new challenge will present itself. When you have conquered a challenge, a period of rest and celebration will have been earned. You can fall backward and complain about the ins and outs of life’s tides or flow with it.
29) Horde the blame and share the credit. Those caring for you will not let you horde the blame alone and will bear your burden. On the same token, those that care for you will not let you escape your share of the credit either.
30) Save your judgments for afterward. While we all can invent unfavorable mental scenarios and freely judge them accordingly, we should try not to pre-judge things. If we believe in a conclusion before we have the experience to make an educated decision, we may ruin the experience we were supposed to have before we ever had it! Be open to new perspectives and experiences. While you may decide not to repeat some experiences, some will be worth having again. Some may become new favorites and things you want to share with others who may wish to pre-judge it negatively, as you once did.
40) Practice Mindfulness. Mindfulness is being in the present without judgment. It isn’t possible to go through life entirely without judgment. We must determine some things as dangerous to us and act accordingly to survive. However, we can develop a mindfulness practice to turn off that ‘danger radar’ and experience life in front of us as it is. When we judge something, we are in our minds about it, not in the present. It is ok to stop and smell the flowers without assigning a label to it. It is ok to look around and just be.