Dear Diary,
What does forgiveness do? I have written about what it is and how we experience it, but what happens after the emotional dust has settled? Paradoxically, it allows for change even though us feeling the need to change was part of the problem as we were experiencing guilt. Forgiveness is the basis of growth because failure is how we improve. We learn from the things we did wrong much more than the things we did right. However, what we do wrong can cause guilt, which tells us we have to change to make things right.
Often we feel compelled to change from guilt; we also organically evolve because we continue to live, and the difference between the two should not be understated. One is a conscious action in which we try to force a change, whereas the other happens over time. Trying to force a new path, especially when it concerns the unchangeable past, often gets us stuck and frustrated with ourselves. However, allowing a greater understanding to develop over time honors our history and nurtures the present. We will change when we want it and are ready for it. We can not always force being prepared for something.
How often do we only notice growth post-factum? Perhaps, someone else pointed it out to you, or you started a behavior and swiftly realized you don’t care for it anymore. We live and grow subtly, and it takes several small things to build a big thing. When we finally see the big thing, we then appreciate the little things that comprise it. Forgiveness allows us to remove the need to change by force and instead will enable us to complete the journey at a pace we define for ourselves.
Forgiveness allows us to become ‘unstuck’ and find a way forward. It may yet take a considerable time to arrive at the end of the journey, but the possibility manifests itself by not being stuck any longer. We may have to rest and heal enough to undertake the rest of the trip, but that is ok. Every little step along the path counts, as all the little steps combined enable us to arrive at the end. We may not know what the destination looks like, and often we don’t realize we accomplished it until we stop to look around. That’s ok too! Progress will come, and it is best not to worry about when too hard.
What does forgiveness do? It opens up the path for change without forcing our hands. We can catch our breath and resume making steps as best we can because we desire to press forward. The changes we make of our choosing and at our pace are the ones that endure through trying times. Forgiveness teaches us to learn what is essential in life and how to filter through the rest. Forgiveness does not itself create mental clarity, but it gives us the space needed to achieve it ourselves. Having a peace of mind allows us to focus on what is important and take steps to achieve it, which ultimately leads to personal growth. Forgiveness is a pathway for growth.