Dear Diary,
For as long as I can remember (which isn’t much), I’ve found myself drawn to songs with a fair bit of repetition in them. I’ve created over two-hundred pieces spread out across over twenty projects, and they mainly bear a theme of repetition. My audio works are mechanical, often harsh, but the joy of making them shines through the abrasiveness. My primary avenue of approach is sampling. I will hear a sound that strikes me a certain way and add it to a library of otherwise unrelated clips for use later. When I want to construct a piece, I have a feeling I want to convey and take deep dives through my library, looking for samples that make me feel the same emotion. I find a way to layer and loop these assorted audio bites into an entire course; my music is itself repetition.
Due to my use of existing sounds, I’ve always struggled with the label of ‘musician.’ Yes, I create unique sounds too, but I felt an imposter syndrome over my joy of sampling. Ironically, acts that sample heavily, like Daft Punk and The Prodigy, are groups I treasure in my heart with no sense of disdain. I still struggle to take pride in anything I do. I still have much to learn about pride contributing to confidence without going overboard into arrogance. I think I’ve stumbled onto an idea that may bear nutritious fruit later: Mantra Meditation.
What is Mantra Meditation? It centers around a word, sound, or phrase being repeated. The purpose of the repetition is to actively channel your thoughts and feelings in a specific direction. I developed two mantras without understanding what they are: “Plan Slowly, Execute Quickly” and “Don’t Think, Just Dance.” The former is something I tell myself when I’m in the decision-making process, and the latter is for my music creation. They both center around my habit of overthinking and allow me to get off the mental hamster wheel.
My memory is severely limited; I’ve been learning to live with it. I don’t get songs stuck in my head, I get one bar, and it loops. It could be a beat, one line of lyrics, a synth bit, and it used to frustrate me. However, those individual components of the overall composition are what I loved listening to; I would seek them out. My limited ability to envision the larger picture is why I gravitated towards sampling in the first place, something I only understood well after it became my standard practice. By channeling my joy, anger, and sense of exploration into my music and the songs on repeat, I was practicing Mantra Meditation.
I was being present with the music and aligning my actions with my intentions. Perhaps I would dance vigorously to Defqon 1 sets, sing to Fear Factory’s Demanufacture album, or drum along to DJ Shadow’s Midnight In A Perfect World. In all of those cases, I harmonized my emotions with the music surrounding me. Through Mantra Meditation, I experienced the broadest range of emotions, and I didn’t understand what I was practicing. Developing an understanding of my nature and what works for me has not only removed the imposter syndrome but allowed me to engross myself in emotional music. Yes, I’m being repetitive, but it enables me to live with intention like few other tools.
The next time you want to roll the windows down on a drive and sing your heart out, do it! The next time you feel joyful listening to something, express your joy in your style, whatever that may be. The soundtracks of our lives may sound different from one another, but the underlying emotions run parallel. All of us understand anger, sadness, tranquility, etc. The circumstances of how we learn all these things vary, but our lives are not so different at our core. We all yearn for the same general things, and we can practice the joy of being through living with intention; Mantra Meditation is one more tool in our box we can use to float down the river of life with a smile. Smile when you can; you are worth it.
P.S. – *Huge* Credit to Underworld, Chrono Trigger, and Metroid for helping me realize I’ve been practicing Mantra Meditation for a long time.