Dear Diary,
What is a decision? A decision is the end of a journey of sorts. We roam from one factor to another until we choose a direction. What is an accomplishment but an end of a path wherein we made the same decision repeatedly? When we no longer need to make the same decision, the result can feel a little deflating. It is ok to feel this way, for the journey is the essential aspect of the accomplishment. We should not neglect to validate the conclusion of our decision, but the end of one path leads to the start of another.
Growing up in the west, I used to hear a question similar to, “if they jump off a bridge are you going to jump as well?” The question was initially wielded to prevent me from making the same detrimental decision as someone else, but our culture is full of facets teaching us to jump. Monotheistic Religion is all about control and compliance. Politicians want you to fall in line and vote for them, to the point of corrupting the system. Capitalists wish you to buy more to maintain their stock prices. Advertising and entertainment programs tell you to look, dress, and behave the same way. If this ‘influencer’ jumps off the bridge, their success is measured by how many people jump after them.
Accomplishments are reflections of character. As accomplishments are a concise way of observing our decisions, they serve as milestones along the river of life, letting us know who we are. Society tries to make us make the same decisions, so developing a unique character takes courage and commitment. Commitment is at the heart of an accomplishment, choosing the path away from the bridge and sticking with it to the end, or until we understand our decisions take us elsewhere. The quiet truth is we aren’t alone in choosing not to jump off the bridge because society tells us to.
Choosing a path can feel like a lonely endeavor. However, some faithful people have no interest in controlling you or enriching themselves. Some politicians sincerely wish the best for their constituents. Some shareholders merely want to retire someday, and representation in media is expanding beyond just blond hair, blue eyes, and only one body type. Laying down at the end of the day, we must be ok with our thoughts. Others can support us, but they can’t be satisfied for us. We have to love ourselves, and if we don’t know how to love, we hurt ourselves trying.
Not all accomplishments are ones we would want to put on a CV. Maybe we succeeded in becoming overweight, angry, or have given up on ourselves. Those accomplishments may be evident to outside observers, but we generally don’t want to display them. A lack of a decision is still a decision. Additionally, some of our accomplishments are the undoing of others we achieved. Perhaps you lost thirty pounds but had previously gained forty. Yes, you’re moving in the right direction, but you may still not feel fulfilled by the path thus far. It is ok for that accomplishment to feel hollow.
When we look at the equation of an accomplishment, it resonating as hollow can be a typical feeling. First, we make a decision and stick with it, even begrudgingly sometimes. The factors leading to a particular decision might cause the subsequent accomplishment to lose all meaning if the initial decision was dissatisfying. Secondly, how skilled are we at loving ourselves? We could have made the correct decision, but our lack of ability to celebrate ourselves removes the fulfillment of the accomplishment. Lastly, the motive for the initial decision compared to how the journey itself changed us may remove the shine off the achievement. Perhaps we started a path out of anger but were no longer angry by the time we arrived at the end. There are many ways not to feel as good as we thought by finishing something.
It is ok for an accomplishment to feel hollow. Perhaps by being honest with our underwhelming emotions about our decisions, we can learn this is a milestone on an even more significant journey. Maybe we need to resolve to ourselves to learn to love inwardly. Perhaps, we need to learn to set realistic expectations. It could also be something as simple as ceasing to do something we are accustomed to doing. Maybe we leave behind (a group of) people to pursue the path guided by our heart. It is ok to simplify our lives. It is ok to have fewer things in our lives, so we may focus on the few things that matter most. It is ok not to jump off the bridge just because others are and want you to join them. We can practice the power of enough and understand we are fine where we are. We can see a path beyond the bridge and go down it at our own pace. In time, we can learn to appreciate ourselves for achieving what we truly wanted to and for the right reasons. Commit to loving yourself; you are worth it.