Dear Diary,
What is Validation? A surface-level evaluation of the question may lead us towards answers involving awards and other forms of recognition. However, recognition is not validation. Validation is permission to proceed along a chosen path, an acquisition of certainty. Recognition may relieve the pressure we place upon ourselves, but only we can permit ourselves. Recognition may be the ‘a ha!’ moment, the final step we were looking for in our journey, but it is a conclusion, not a beginning. We need to give ourselves validation to complete each step along the way.
Our chosen path can be an emotional or mental one. We validate ourselves; we permit ourselves to feel or think a certain way. Perhaps we are making a difficult decision about a job or life change. Maybe we have reached our limit and need to take a step back. It could be we are doing something different from our usual. We look within and decide for ourselves if our path is worth continuing. If the answer is yes, we permit ourselves to continue. If the answer is no, we empower ourselves to change.
Validation is related to forgiveness because we often relieve the burden of change. We begin a path and start to question ourselves. At this point, we seek the external recognition of our internal decisions because we want to continue our course but haven’t yet permitted ourselves to do so. We aren’t trying to change our path; we merely seek to continue what we are doing. We lose our certainty at the outset and seek help getting it back.
How do we practice validation? Skills such as Mindfulness, Patience, and Forgiveness become highly valuable here. When we feel we have lost our way or are unsure of continuing, practice patience with ourselves. Sometimes giving ourselves time to rest will open up the path before us on its own without any other effort. If we have made a mistake along our chosen way, practicing forgiveness for ourselves and others is essential instead of eradicating the entire trail of progress. Being mindful of when we start to place value on external forces rather than ourselves is vital as well. Validation comes from within.
Validation is permission. It can be as simple as looking at a treat in a bakery and saying, ‘I earned this.’ It can be putting your feet up at two in the afternoon because you need a break and are taking one. It can be having that discussion with someone important rather than the mirror because you know you’re ready. It can be saying ‘no’ or ‘yes’ as long as you are the one making decisions for yourself. Recognition feels good, but it is not a substitute for validation. Validation is a process we repeat with every step of our journey. Validation is healthy and essential. Validate yourself; you are worth it.