What is an identity? On a basic level, it is ‘who we are.’ However, we are fluid entities constantly changing with each new situation. We express ourselves in part on the experiences we have but also the pressures we feel. Identity, then, is a measure of self-expression vs. self-suppression. If we focus inwardly, we know who we are. The question becomes, are we willing to listen to ourselves? It takes courage to be true to ourselves, and such bravery gets beaten out of so many.
We describe ourselves in comparative terms. If we say “I am pretty,” someone else must become ugly to give the words meaning. Worse yet, we often find greater confidence in describing things we are not. We view ourselves through the things we are dissatisfied with and view ourselves through a lens of negativity. We place pressure on ourselves to improve if for no other reason than we perceive others are judging us, and we place a great value on the opinions of others.
We will never be proficient at listening to ourselves as long as we allow others to dictate who we are or should be. While mastering others is a show of power, true strength comes from mastering ourselves. However, we know better than anyone what we aren’t proud of and who we wish to emulate. It takes courage to cease comparing, to stop shaping the self to model ourselves after others. While some choices come comfortably because they fit within the accepted consensus, forming our mold takes continued courage.
What we may desire to deviate from differs from person to person; the need to express oneself is shared across all threads. We may feel obligated to perform behaviors due to cultural background, religious restrictions, upbringing, or how we see society. Terminating traditions in our personal lives isn’t always easy, even if they were things we didn’t wish to do in the first place. Change is complex, and people not accustomed to listening to themselves carry extra weight not to conform. Courage is required to begin the process of redefining ourselves for ourselves.
It is ok to ‘get it wrong,’ at first. When we are used to sacrificing the self, stopping that is scary. It is ok to try something and discover if it satisfies us. Perhaps, we attempt something whole-heartedly only to uncover a more profound need or motivation. It is ok to adjust the course as we continue to grow. Maybe, something did work for a time, and now it does no longer. It is ok to let it go. Don’t mourn letting go, be grateful it happened.
There will never be inner peace without inner satisfaction. We will not achieve inner satisfaction without self-expression. Us living vicariously through others, especially fictional characters, will always ring hollow. We can relate to their stories, but we have no control over them. We can share in their joy, but it will be short-lived as it is not ours to experience. Only when we make our decisions for ourselves and see them through can we build something sustainable. It takes courage to live your life in a way that will yield peace. Renew yours and listen, even if it takes you a while to do it right.