Dear Diary, No News is Good News – Unless You Want Some
This morning I was called a war criminal again. The person who made the accusation doesn’t know me or my history, but just with the vaguest of associations was able to judge me guilty of an incredibly severe charge. At this point, I can add it to the pile of times I’ve been found guilty in the court of public opinion. I have long since understood I have been, am, and will likely continue to be used as pawns in political maneuverings and Facebook memes. I’ve been a tool to further other people’s agendas for years. I sacrificed my future for other people’s present-day far too much, and am paying those costs now.
The other day a friend of mine sent me a new music track of his. It was this exploratory, adventurous piece of music that was enjoyable and relatable. I was quick to give him some feedback regarding where the project took me and that he was doing well on it overall. He went and worked on it some more, mainly from the engineering side of things, and sent it back to me for another listen. I was surprised to hear the same composition, the same arrangement, give me such a different feel. It took me to a different place entirely. I was eager to provide him with the praise I felt warranted the accomplishment. I want feedback on my work; it would be hypocritical of me not to give it when I have the opportunity to do so.
Unfortunately for me, the feedback I get when I try to share my work is generally a three to a five-word statement. More often than not, “I like this one” is the extent of it. There isn’t a followup; there aren’t questions; there isn’t anything particular to discuss; there is just an acknowledgment, and the matter is considered finished. Due to this pattern, I have taken the initiative by sharing my work less and less. I feel the polite acknowledgment is better than being completely ignored, but I have taken the hint.
I try my best to give more than three to five words to people. Someone recently sent me a twenty-minute video presentation, so I took the time to watch it, take notes, and send some thoughts. Other times, when even my patience runs thin, I try to communicate why and revisit the situation later if need be. I try to earn more than the polite acknowledgment, and perhaps a rare compliment when someone can see I’m not doing well. I don’t wait until someone is cornered and wounded to be positive; I try to be whenever I can.
Regrettably, Murphy hates me. As such, because I want reciprocity, I get little to none, and in its place, I get unsolicited summary judgments from random strangers. Being called a war criminal by an ignorant stranger doesn’t bother me as much as the lack of counter-balance. When it’s time for me to lean on someone for support, which is that person? My being present, available, and reciprocal is well and good, but without someone to mirror that for me, it feels like pulling guard duty on something ruined or abandoned. Us having principles and dedication is one thing, but if we keep doing the same thing expecting a different result and it just hurts, it’s probably time to change. Instead of seeking news from those knowing you aren’t going to get any, perhaps either stop seeking news at all or find people who will give you good news. Life won’t stop giving you bad news, and waiting for change doesn’t work. We have to make change happen ourselves.