In the Anchorwind Project, to a large extent, I feel like I’ve said what I have needed to say; I’ve been doing it for almost 10 years, I would hope so. In that almost 10 years I’ve published, for all to see/hear, around 1200 pieces. That comes out to a nice neat average of around 12 pieces a month, 3 pieces a week, if distributed evenly. That’s a fair bit of: graphics, essays, stories, poems, and songs. Whether you just skim the most recent offerings or you dig into archives, there is a high chance I’ve taken you -somewhere- mentally, or emotionally. I’ve left you thinking, or feeling, -something.-
These emotions could have been angry, as you either passionately (dis)agreed with my essays of desperation, hoping-against-hope tomorrow will be a better day. These emotions could have been sadness, as you gazed upon my artwork and felt the burden of my life and experiences weigh heavily upon you. These emotions could have been dread, as you listened to Mother Machine and her mechanical sounds gnawing at you beat after beat. These emotions could have been spontaneous joy, as you followed Crysania, Spikelangelo, and the rest of the Quin on their Reference-laden adventures through the mists. Whatever it was, you felt -something,- and my job as a creative person was accomplished.
I can talk about: I’ve earned this many views, awards, frontpages, museum exhibits, newspaper articles, etc., but in truth that doesn’t really mean much to me beyond a way to get certain people to be quiet. Anyone who has seen my office will testify to that, for you will not see any evidence of any of the aforementioned on my walls. My trophy cabinet does not exist in any visible display. I break my works up into different brands or names depending on where I’m at or what I’m doing. I enjoy anonymity, and I enjoy letting my work speak for itself.
I still have the desire to create, but I am inherently a supportive person and I sincerely want to help other people achieve their visions, goals, etc. I want to be a part of something beyond just me. I want to be more of a producer now, help refine someone else’s hard work into something they are proud of and are excited to present to the world. I have thoughts about running a local esports league, or at least local charity marathon (GDQ style) events. I want to be a part of a RPG group and make graphics for them: t-shirts, wallpapers, things that not only give the group more of an identity but draw interest from other people.
Yes, I’ll continue to publish things for my own stuff here and there but I am not driven to say anything that I haven’t already. I don’t want this project (Anchorwind) to turn into: “America sucks, Trump is Bad.” is a lot of what I want to write; it is tremendously hard watching helplessly as most things you once believed in, had hope in, were told were true, are not only fictitious – but by our own hands. I do take solace ‘by our own hands’ does not come anywhere close to encompassing everyone, just mostly one significant demographic. However, as a child I never imagined all the real monsters in the world would be people.
The feeling is many, if not almost all, of those monsters are simply beyond my ability to impact in any real way. That energy simply does not extinguish itself, so I must learn to do something with it. As a young man I was too naive to believe in the system as much as I did. Having the experience of a disabled war veteran, I came to understand the system isn’t broken – it was designed this way. The Right is corrupting the process even further, but these are results of systemic failures that have been ongoing for longer than I’ve been alive. We don’t need to “fix” the system, we need to outright change it. That takes a lot more than one broken artist looking for direction, purpose, and validation.
In the meantime, I can take the energy of wanting to help, wanting to make an impact, and think on an individual scale. While I have many faults and limitations, and even that is an understatement, I do have a few not quite redeeming features that can be put to use: I’m remarkably patient, I’m surprisingly intuitive, I’m reliably affable, I’m generally situationally aware, and I’m allegedly creative at random intervals (:D) . Perhaps I can take these scarcely acceptable features, my seemingly unending energy levels, and sincere desire to help people and do just that: find a project outside my own to better.