Dear Diary,
Here in the West, if we had to describe the culture with one word (which would always be a gross oversimplification, I readily admit), it would be ‘more. ’ The idea of ‘enough’ borders on blasphemy in boardrooms coast to coast, and by extension in everything they touch – your phones, TV screens, magazines, billboards, etc. The idea of growth above all else, consequences be damned, is one we share with something else we consider horrid: cancer. We are conditioned to work harder, faster, for longer hours, all to compete for fewer opportunities.
Western culture and the modus operandi (MO) of ‘more’ lead people and corporations to hoard as much as possible whenever possible. The idea of Supply and Demand is easier to understand. With less supply, the price of something can increase even if the supply is artificially made ‘scarce. ’ Therein lies the key point, the myth of scarcity! While some things are actually rare, such as elements further down (heavier) on the periodic table, others are made to appear rare but are not (*1).
We have been conditioned to believe valuable things are rare and out of our reach, and as a result, we should chase that ‘inner circle’ and be a part of that ‘exclusive’ group. Such a conditioned mentality applies not only to consumerism and materialism but also to spirituality. We think masters have hidden truths waiting to be uncovered, or wisdom can only be achieved through ordeals. Yet the most profound lessons are often the simplest, and most accessible to us all.
The foolish reject what they see but not what they think, while the wise reject what they think but not what they see. Najwa Zebian, a Lebanese-Canadian author, said, “These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.” A lesson like this is available to us all, and we can all see within ourselves or those we care about, times (including right now!) when the burdens we bear bring us no constructive value. However, we reject what is plain to see and instead tell ourselves we need to be ‘stronger’ – another version of ‘more.’
We don’t need to be stronger to carry more burdens; we need to be better at putting them down and at not picking some up in the first place. Carrying infinite quantities of burdens for endless periods of time is not what life is about, regardless of what preachers, shareholders, or managers try to shove down your spirit. Please take a moment to pause and reflect on the happiest times of your life, and I’m willing to wager all of them came as a result of a burden being relieved or came during a period of relative calm (*2).
Calmness is accessible to us all! Calmness is not scarce; no masters are gatekeeping it from you, awaiting some trial. It can be as simple as a language difference: “I am anxious” becomes “Anxiety is present.” One is an attachment requiring energy to detach, and the other is an observation. Making an observation requires far less energy and no judgment, and we can move on from observations just as quickly as we made them.
Another element of calmness is how we talk to ourselves and when we do. It is, unfortunately, common to seek external validation when validation can only come from within. Even when we think we need someone else’s approval, what we really want is confirmation of what we already know or have achieved (*3). In a sense, redemption is in effect the same as letting go of negative self-judgment. We consistently push ourselves down with negativity; without that downward pressure, we’ll rise on our own over time. Guilt is the burden of change, and forgiveness is the relief of that burden. If we have wronged others, they may give us the permission structure we seek to set down the burden of change, but it is still up to us to do so and move on.
‘More’ isn’t always the answer, and it may surprise many how often it isn’t. Trying to ‘soldier through’ life, simply surviving to fight another day, isn’t what life is about, as all you accomplish is sacrificing your present for a future that may never arrive (*4). Some burdens aren’t meant to be borne but surmounted for a better view, akin to seeing the valley from the hilltop. Strength isn’t merely how much we can carry but how firm our boundaries are, and being able to say ‘no’ as a complete sentence. Strength is also found in how we treat ourselves past, present, and future (*5).
Yes, some burdens will find their way onto our shoulders, and we must carry them for a while. Life has its difficult periods, but we need not bear everything, nor carry anything forever. I like to use the words ‘retire’ and ‘thank you for your service’ when it is time for something and I to part ways, as I enjoy the belief everything has a spirit. For me, it is offering a sincere silent prayer the spirit of whatever I’m releasing can find its resting place. I’m aware that some may find the practice silly, equating inanimate objects and things of the past with the recently deceased. Still, practicing gratitude for our time together and wishing them well makes letting them go easier and brings me a measure of peace as I send them on their way.
Calmness, like most of life’s true gems, isn’t rare or hidden. Strength isn’t solely how much we can lift and carry. How we each learn to let go can be through little rituals like mine (*6) or something less formal of your creation. ‘Enough’ is an acceptable answer, and ‘no’ can be a complete sentence. We can treat ourselves better simply by changing how we speak to ourselves, and scarcity is not, by itself, a symbol of desirability. It is ok to be content with what matters to us and to let go of the rest.
Find Strength in Calmness; You Are Worth It!
reBLUEvinate!
(*1) Diamonds are a shining example of this in action. The diamond market is controlled by a small handful of companies, most notably De Beers, which artificially keeps prices high by manipulating supply.
(*2) By calm, I mean a period when there weren’t burdens to worry about, or when they were managed well enough that they didn’t need to occupy mental space.
(*3) If you’re seeking advice or having a discussion with someone in order to make a decision, sometimes that’s still ultimately just confirming what you already knew under the layers of doubt. If you genuinely are directionless and seek external help, the best we can do is point you in a direction, and it is up to you to walk the path.
(*4) I can speak from extensive personal experience!
(*5) How can we treat our future selves? If we fail to treat our present selves well, we will degrade, break, and fail. That future self we risk envisioning becomes someone incapable of carrying out those dreams. Yes, change can be scary, and discipline can be frustrating, but the payoff is often more than worth the annoyance.
(*6) I’ve been used and discarded quite a bit in my life. I know how awful it feels, so I try not to do it to anyone. Since I enjoy thinking everything has a spirit, it means ‘everyone’ and ‘everything’ shares a similar definition. It’s important to me to ensure everyone feels seen, heard, and valued, as I have had periods when I wasn’t.