Dishonesty : Ten Years of Tragedy, Part 1.
I’ve been reflecting upon the ‘Anchorwind’ Project for a while now: what it means, where it came from, and where it is going. While it has been around for ages, I took it seriously beginning in 2009. As such, this is somewhat of a ten year anniversary of sorts, despite the name and usage being older. I’ve thought quite a bit about what to do about this ‘ten year’ thing. I have to do something, ‘Anchorwind’ has been a core component of my life for a decade now, especially when no one was watching. However, I have real problems concentrating. I have troubles thinking about just one thing, unless it is something that gives me anxiety – then I’m laser focused whether I want to be or not. As I think of the last ten years as a whole, there are reoccurring themes that I find interwoven in the fabric of the decade; first and foremost of these themes, by far, is: dishonesty.
I take great pains to be honest in my normal everyday life. For starters, I simply do not have the mental capacity to be anything else; however, I also do not have it in my character to be anything else. I am: fiercely empathetic, have a guilty conscious, genuinely want the best for everyone as opposed to just the people on “my team” (translation: my team is everyone), and truly ponder the consequences of the actions of myself and others. I am not the best at anything. I’m not particularly adept at anything, except perhaps communication, and have no real marketable skills of which to speak. I’m not known for my attractiveness, or fashion sense. People do not seek me out for a particular talent or ability. I live a fairly quiet life, by myself.
The other side of living a quiet life is I have no enemies. Outside of perhaps one or two failed romantic relationship attempts I can’t think of anyone who would speak ill of me in any significant way. I may not be great, but I am not terrible either. I am kind, and thoughtful. I am passionate, and articulate. I listen, and give genuine effort in my response. I am frequently incorrect, but I am honest. I can look in the mirror and know I have my integrity. I have many faults, some not necessarily my fault due to: combat trauma, human genetic mutations, and environmental/societal factors, but I can at least say I did one thing right.
Honesty, Integrity, Honor, and related concepts I think have always been important concepts to me, but now they non-negotiable. I may tell a story that, in my mind, is completely true due to my brain trying to patch holes in my memory issues but is ultimately incorrect. I’m not lying, I’m just wrong. It may frustrate you that I’m wrong, but nowhere near on the same level of my frustrations that I have to doubt myself in that manner. However, it gives me comfort to be able to look at myself in the mirror and know I’m not lying. I’m not intentionally fabricating something wrong, I’m trying by best and I’m open to be corrected.
My integrity manifests itself plenty of other ways, too. When I tell you I’ll call you back, I do. If I borrow money, I pay it back. If I make a promise to you, I keep it. If I say I’m going to be somewhere, I’m there. I have not had the pleasure of having honest people in my life maintaining such integrity with me. I smile knowing people never have to question my honesty. It simply isn’t a variable. I then frown, thinking of how many times I’ve gotten off the phone with someone and immediately discarded the proposed commitment as empty and then been proven correct.
My thoughts regarding honesty do not simply apply to my relationships with people I know personally. I think of religious leaders, whose lies are too innumerable to count. From: lying about sex, lying about natural disasters, lying about the earth and climate, lying about people of different skin colors or genders, lying about money, and more, religious leaders prey on people in the worst ways. I think of: elected officials, media personalities, advertisers and marketing efforts, and people who subvert social media. The common thread of dishonesty runs deep throughout all of it.
I look back at many of my pieces over the last 10 years, and get a sense of just how deeply dishonesty has impacted me. It was over 10 years ago, but I was sent to war over lies and we knew it. I look around now and watch people, especially a certain demographic, consume the dishonesty that makes them feel better about their views with fervor. They don’t want to be questioned, and challenging them will be met with a violent rejection. You’ll be banned from their communities, and left to ponder how to deal with the increasing insular nature of it all.
Dishonesty is a large part of how we wound up with the situation we’re in now. We never thought it could happen here, but before we knew it half of the minorities in a state were placed under “emergency management” and a city was actively being poisoned. That’s not some dystopian hyperbole; that’s Flint, Michigan and the state at large. We watched as North Carolina testified on camera they gerrymandered the map the way they did was because they couldn’t figure out how to make it any worse, and try to neuter the governor after they lost the election. We watched Wisconsin make similar efforts. We’ve seen dark money flow into the coffers to make the average person (you and me) meaningless. We’ve seen the FCC and other agencies simply ignore the overwhelming will of the people at their leisure and then lie about the process they went about doing so. We’ve watched the press secretary lie directly to our faces, doctor video about reporters, and the administration as a whole try to subvert the press.
Sadly, all those are just a few examples. I can’t possibly list them all in my personal life, nor the world at large. I would die of age before I could record dishonesty accurately, and isn’t that tragic? Ten Years of Tragedy, and the painful glaring centerpiece making me shield myself is dishonesty. It is inescapable, and it’s shadow alone scars us all. I am trying to do my part by being an honest person. I am trying to do my part by demanding honesty from those with whom I interact. I do not yet have the answers for those living in a reality of their own making, those who reject critical thought, and those motivated by evil (self) interests. The Venn Diagram of those 3 involves much overlap, so I hope the answers will come sooner as opposed to later. For now, I will maintain my honesty and keep working on this project: The Ten Years of Tragedy.