Of People and Validation (Draft 1 and 2)

There was a part of me that told myself I was going to take a break from writing. Every time I felt I had something to say and would sit down to write, I would then feel my product was essentially the same as the one that came before. We do live in dark, pivotal, times. We are inundated with numerous forms of negativity and it is sometimes easy to become overwhelmed and lose the light within us all. That is part of their strategy, after all, the ‘fire hose’ approach. Sadly, It takes more effort to fight it than it does for them to produce it. It is an exhausting effort.

During my non-break, I simply shifted to other forms of outreach. I never wanted to stop caring, I simply couldn’t, so I continued to try to navigate these dark times however I could. I found myself having similar conversations with friends and strangers alike regardless of the topic. We could be discussing their struggles or thoughts on national policy, and I began to notice an underlying unifying theme: validation.

When I think about what it means to validate someone, my mind immediately jumps to ‘being there’ for someone when they are having an issue in the present. You confirm to them many things and you also confirm improvement is possible. You validate their past, you validate them in the present, and you give them hope for the future. This example happens countless times every day through our human relationships across the planet. We need and are grateful for one another.

Through my conversations with people, and my meditations on my ‘Ten Years of Tragedy’ project I began to realize this idea of validation is one of the core things missing in our struggles to become ‘a more perfect union.’ When the LGBTQ+ people approach the government and ask to love and marry their consenting adults openly only to be told no by religiously backed people who can love and marry their consenting adults openly, what is happening? One side is completely invalidated by the other in trying to accomplish equality.

When a woman of color tries to pursue her dreams in life and is invalidated by not one but two variables of genetics she had no control over, what message are we sending her? Are her dreams or work any less valuable? I’ve discussed the struggles of rural poverty with people who are heterosexual, Caucasian, men. They don’t want to be abandoned, forgotten, and certainly want their children to succeed. They, too, feel they aren’t being heard, they’re not being validated.

At our core, we all generally want the same basic things. We may disagree on how best to accomplish getting our needs met but that I would like to believe we can return to having meaningful policy discussions. I would like to think we can go back to not resorting to where we find ourselves now: automatic dismissals based on being on the wrong side or team, tribalism in essence. We can learn to validate each other as persons and people of inherent worth and build from there.

Of course, I can’t help but reflect on my journey. I have learned over time to excel at ensuring other people are validated, regardless if I appreciate or agree with them. I have not, however, had the same experience in being validated. I have been used for: money, time, a plethora of services, and was promptly discarded when the user accomplished their goal. I was not a person of value but a commodity. In the modern social landscape, we’ve invented the word ‘ghosted’ to describe the sudden, abrupt, ending of a relationship. In a way, you can view ‘being ghosted’ as being treated as a commodity as well. There is no closure, no finality, no indication you had any value as a person. You were just tossed aside, worthless.

I think of why I volunteered to put on the uniform, and why I continue to fight today in the greater war here at home. I think about the seemingly infinite issues important to me: Health Care, Education, Climate Change, Infrastructure, Automation, the Globalized Economy, Network Health and Consumer-First Policies, and more, and they all share the same Validation threads. They are all about ensuring everyone can have their needs met and live a fulfilling life.

Some people want to make millions of dollars and have the biggest yacht and be ostentatious, opulent, and materialistic. Others are ok with a garden and a small circle of friends and family. Some people like climbing mountains virtually in creative and humorous ways while others like climbing mountains physically in dangerous and amazing ways. Some people’s dreams are abstract and others are technical. Some people’s dreams are very difficult to comprehend due to the level of education required and some we would call ‘everyday heroes.’ We should understand these are all equally important in the grand scheme of things.

My war, my struggles, are not more important than yours was just because it had a uniform put on it and shipped overseas. The people struggling to escape poverty, and drug crises, are just as important. The people struggling to stop being treated as second-class citizens due to being who they are are just as important. The person today who is just having a rough day and needs some extra support is just as important. At the end of the day, it is people who make people happy. All the memories we make and the things we have and share are for the connections we form with each other. If we understand everyone’s struggles from the mundane to the generational are all important, we can understand the struggle itself and the individuals trying their best to manage them and can validate them equally.

When we put our heads on our pillows at night, we would like to be safe. We would like our loved ones to be safe as well. We don’t want to struggle to eat or have clean water. We want to be able to chase the horizon with an innocent heart and leave behind a better world for those who come after us. If we can’t even acknowledge each other in a real way, if we can’t validate the needs of the people around us here and now? How will we ever do this? I am worth it, and so are you.

18 Jan 2020 | Monk Anchorwind