Dear Diary,<\/p>\n
It may feel counterintuitive, but the action of letting things go requires energy, even though we often feel better as a result. The final acts of closure are draining in their respective ways, and sometimes we end up living with a constant level of pain or discomfort because we haven’t yet built up enough capacity to spend on putting things down. The unfortunate reality, however, is prolonged pain is akin to a debt with a high interest rate, and without proper management, we will never pay off the principal, no matter how hard we work.<\/p>\n
To build the capacity needed to put things down, and I mean a proper closure, as opposed to watching TV and trying to avoid thinking about it for a day, requires rest. By rest, I don’t mean getting one good night’s sleep and being excited by the smell of your morning cup of coffee. By rest, I mean paying off all the interest and all the principal, celebrating the deletion of the debt from the ledger, and *then* getting so many good nights of sleep you skip the coffee because you no longer need it to get going.<\/p>\n
When I think about how it feels to be deep in ‘Capacity Debt,’ I think of the anxious energy in my solar plexus that refuses to move or dissipate.\u00a0 I think of waking up tired, with very little patience for the day, before I learn what awaits me.\u00a0 I think of trying to express myself and being disconnected from my emotional range, while simultaneously and in waves arriving at a place wherein I’m about to cry but am unable.\u00a0 I think of trying to push myself to accomplish the things I know I need to do, but each task requires every fibre of my being (and probably adding more debt).\u00a0 I think of staring out the window or curling up on the couch and wishing to be anywhere but here, as if I could separate myself from the issues without being followed.\u00a0 I think of the escalation in physical pain levels and difficulties with digestion (and related bathroom concerns) from all the stress energy.\u00a0 I think of any success not being celebrated but almost being frustrated at them \u2013 why didn’t they arrive sooner or with fewer complications?\u00a0 Finally, I think of the dichotomy of giving myself things to do to ‘work through’ the pain while at the same time being so exhausted I can scarcely get anything done, and it makes me seem incredibly lazy \u2013 when it isn’t at all the same as being in a good place and choosing to procrastinate.<\/p>\n
I hope you don’t relate to any of the above, but I imagine you wouldn’t be here otherwise. So, the question becomes: how to pay down the debt.\u00a0 How do we rest to the level needed so we don’t feel any of those things (not a comprehensive list, either) anymore?\u00a0 There is no one-size-fits-all answer here, but a common starting line is to acknowledge two things:\u00a0 the first is we didn’t build this debt overnight, and so it will take more than one instance of rest, and the second is we need to examine ourselves in the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial realms.<\/p>\n
Resting physically could mean sleeping more, but it could also mean eating better, medication changes, getting more fresh air, and exercising more.\u00a0 Yes, exercising more contributes to physical rest!\u00a0 While exercise itself may be a more active period, exercise itself is beneficial all-around, and its contributions are many.\u00a0 Resting physically could also mean a change in what we wear or how we sit, or changing from sitting to standing more, etc.<\/p>\n
Resting mentally could mean taking a break from the screen or a task, or doing something meaningful.\u00a0 Sometimes we feel better when we feel we contribute positively to something, be it volunteerism or maybe making a slight improvement to our environment.\u00a0 An adage states, “Comparison is the Thief of Joy.”\u00a0 Analysis is in the Comparison family, and sometimes resting mentally is putting analysis down and simply listening (*1).\u00a0 Resting mentally can also mean playing a game of chess or another activity in which we are engaged without consequence (*2).<\/p>\n
Resting emotionally and spiritually can be as simple as opening a window to enjoy the breeze and the sun for a moment, or as complex as pursuing something we feel gives us purpose.\u00a0 We could create just to create, as not every creative project needs to have a deeply entrenched message, although those projects are certainly valid (*3).\u00a0 ‘Projects’ don’t have to be crafty or artistic; they could be pursuits in the kitchen or in the office.\u00a0 Where we feel content to spend our time evolves, and that is ok!\u00a0 The practices and activities we do should feel engaging regardless of their potential longer-term impact, and if we feel compelled to do them, then it is time to re-evaluate.<\/p>\n
Resting financially isn’t just about spending less; it is also about aligning your spending with your other rest goals.\u00a0 In the pursuit of eating better, exercising more, sleeping better, and enjoying time in the office more, perhaps you stop spending money on things that do not align with those goals and instead spend money on things that do.\u00a0 Over time, as the money you’ve spent helps you accomplish your existing goals, you need to spend less; you can shift your spending to a vacation fund or other goals you’ve developed along the way.<\/p>\n
The likely truth is it will require a combination of things successfully implemented over a period of time.\u00a0 Healing is not linear, so along the way, while we are mostly successful, we will have rough patches and doubts.\u00a0 We will wake up after a decent night of sleep and still have that familiar vice grip of anxiety \u2013 and wonder why.\u00a0 We will have old wounds flare up while we do our best to ensure we don\u2019t aggravate them.\u00a0 We think we will have let it go only for remnants or portions of something to linger in our hearts or minds \u2013 some fragment we either haven\u2019t come to terms with or we aren\u2019t ready to part with yet.\u00a0 The important thing, though, is good faith effort.\u00a0 We will never know how much progress we actually make until it’s been over for a while, and one day we realize, \u2018Oh, hey, I haven\u2019t had to deal with this anymore.\u2019\u00a0 Sometimes we only notice something after it isn\u2019t there to be noticed, and we expect it to be there.<\/p>\n
Rest can be difficult for us because we\u2019ve been pumped full of messages like \u2018Fear of Missing Out,\u2019 \u2018Keeping Up with the Joneses,\u2019 and all this other nonsense, tailor-made to keep you a cog in a machine not intended to benefit you or hardly any of the other cogs grinding themselves down. It\u2019s ok not to \u2018keep up,\u2019 and it\u2019s ok to be content with what you have and the one or two things your heart keeps telling you it sincerely yearns for and has all along. It\u2019s ok to \u2018Stop and Smell the Roses.\u2019 Letting go isn\u2019t just about the pain (and trauma) we carry; it\u2019s also about letting go of some of the systemic failures that led to the pain being inflicted originally and why we kept bearing the burden unnecessarily for so long.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Learn to rest so you can then let go when you\u2019re ready; You are worth it!<\/p>\n
reBLUEvinate!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
(*1) For example, I tried writing this piece on the 21st and the 22nd, but did not have the capacity, so I took notes instead.\u00a0 On the 23rd (Today), I am writing, but I noticed hunger rising, and rather than push it off and demand I finish this piece, I listened to myself, ate, and returned to continue writing.\u00a0 Listening to ourselves is often the better option rather than ‘overriding’ what we know, especially as we sometimes have fewer opportunities to listen.<\/p>\n
(*2) By \u2018without consequence,\u2019 I am not diminishing people who are trying to achieve a rank or tournament victory, etc.\u00a0 I mean, the outcome of \u2018winning\u2019 or \u2018losing\u2019 a game of chess by and large is inconsequential to other areas in life where something not going your way can be much more impactful.<\/p>\n
(*3) I would be quite the hypocrite otherwise, as I lean heavily towards projects with meaning.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Diary, It may feel counterintuitive, but the action of letting things go requires energy, even though we often feel better as a result. The final acts of closure are draining in their respective ways, and sometimes we end up living with a constant level of pain or discomfort because we haven’t yet built up […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[304,337],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-240491","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dear-diary","category-the-mindfulness-journey"],"yoast_head":"\n